📦 About This Item
The Xavi™ Loud Family Teen Edition is engineered for maximum volume, dramatic creativity, and unpredictable energy surges. As the third loudest member of the loud family hierarchy, this model provides high-output conversation, spontaneous singing, and sudden bursts of theatrical storytelling.
This variant includes an optional Hedgehog Companion, compatible with limited cuddle sessions before the model gets distracted and runs off to start a new project, film a new scene, or organize a stunt.
Best suited for buyers with noise-tolerant households, flexible schedules, and stairs that are not architecturally dangerous.
🔧 Product Features
• Multi-Stage Loudness Engine
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Operates at 80–115 decibels during normal conversation
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Can exceed 120 dB when excited
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Volume slider not included
• Chaos Cinematics Mode
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Automatically recruits friends and relatives for “movie projects”
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Includes stunt coordination module (not safe for beginners!)
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May involve the use of “Death Stairs” if available
• Hedgehog Companion Integration
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Works with most hedgehog accessories
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Frequently distracted by small animals, cute things, and snacks
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Hedgehog may borrow accessories without permission
• Accessory Compatibility
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Hoodie packs: Fully compatible
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Necklace pack: Partially compatible (will fall off, guaranteed)
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Stair-related accessories: Not recommended
📐 Technical Specifications
| Feature | Description |
|---|---|
| Age | 14 teen-years |
| Loudness Rating | Class III (loud-family compliant) |
| Pet Compatibility | Hedgehog-approved |
| Accessory Retention | Low |
| Drama Output | High |
| Chore Completion Rate | 60% with reminders |
| Stair Safety Awareness | Minimal |
⚠️ Warnings
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Do not follow this model down steep staircases for any reason.
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Necklace pack will detach under normal, abnormal, or theoretical conditions.
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Chaos level increases when paired with other loud family members.
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The hedgehog may steal small items.
2 reviews for Xavi
General Inquiries
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Anonymous –
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ 4 Stars — “Why Did I Agree to the Death Stairs Stunt?”
Reviewer: Anonymous – Cuyahoga Falls, OH
Verified Purchase
I like the Xavi™ Teen Chaos Edition, but I have notes.
This model convinced me to tumble dramatically down her family’s “Death Stairs” for a movie they were filming. For reference:
The “Death Stairs” are an extremely steep flight of stairs that end directly at the front door — like the house was designed by someone hoping for stunt injuries.
Who has stairs like that anyway??
I’m giving four stars because:
The footage turned out great, and
I genuinely don’t remember how much it hurt when I slammed into the door.
Still—future buyers should know:
Xavi™ has powerful persuasion abilities and should not be trusted near stairs.
G. Laney –
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ 4 Stars — “The Necklace Add-On Just Won’t Stay On”
Reviewer: G. Laney – Uniontown, OH
Verified Purchase
I purchased the Xavi™ Accessory Necklace Pack, which includes a stylish pendant meant to enhance the model’s visual flair. Unfortunately, this accessory is not compatible with Xavi’s constant motion, spinning, yelling, running, and general loud-family energy output.
The necklace falls off approximately every 12 minutes and is frequently found:
Under couch cushions
In the hedgehog enclosure
On the stairs (of course)
Or not found at all
Four stars because the necklace looks great when it stays on… which is only in theory.